Ow, My Foot: The Saga Continues
by Xenophobic Doll
Summary: Movieverse: Jazz gets shot in the... well.. you know. Bumblebee and Chase turn each other into scrap, and LIKE it. Sam/Bee's POV. Another appearance by borrowed OC Malena Banes. Total crack/smut. Rated for the smut, and my foul mouth. Hope ya enjoy.
1. Ow, My Foot!

A/N: This story borrows Malena (Lena) Banes, an OC from Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, which continues on in OLOBA: The Light Was Yellow, Sir. If you haven't read them, you should, they're excellent fics.

This is told from Sam's POV.

Disclaimer: I own Chase, Caz owns Lena, but other people own everything else, lucky bastards.

Ow, My Foot!

I've never seen Bee this excited. He was always happy at the prospect of greeting old comrades and welcoming them to a new home, but this time was different. I could feel him practically humming when I got in. And, there were the shocks, nothing really painful, just weird random shocks from him here and there.

All of us would be there to greet the newcomer. Jazz was bringing Mikaela and Lena. Ironhide would be bringing the Lennox family. I was fairly certain that Maggie and Glen were even showing up, though I didn't know if an Autobot would get them, or if they'd just drive a regular car. Bumblebee was bringing me.

He was also being a pain in the ass. I finally just gave up on trying to drive myself, and let him take control, after which I closed my eyes and held on to the chicken perch for dear life. "So who is he anyway?" I figured Bee would know what I meant, this new arrival was only the second wandering Autobot to find their way to Earth, Wheeljack was the first.

"Not HE, Sam. _She._"

_This should be interesting._ "Who is she?"

"Her name is Chase." A brief pause. "She is my mate."

"You never told me you had a mate!"

"You never asked."

I didn't know what to say. Bee was totally right, of course, I had NEVER asked. Hell, I didn't even think to. I knew there were a few femmes left, very few, but I never even thought that Bee might be married to one of them. I felt guilty. Bee was my guardian, my best friend, and there was still so much I didn't know about him. Hell, so much I hadn't even thought to _ask_ him. It's like I thought his life began only when he found me. _I am such a shitheel._

"You aren't a... shitheel Sam."

"I said that out loud?"

"Yes. You shouldn't feel bad, you know, this is a situation we're all still getting used to."

"I guess."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, then Bee opened the comm link, and the voices of the others drifted to me from the speakers. Once Jazz was aware of Bee's presence on the communications lines, he started the gossip.

"We're goin to meet Bee's mate, y'know."

"OooOOoo"

"Bee, you hound."

"Why didn't you tell us about her?"

By this time, all the women's voices were blending together, I was having a hard time telling them apart.

After a moment, Bee replied, "She was in stasis lock for awhile, I wasn't sure when she'd get here."

That explained a LOT. I knew Bee well enough to know how to read between the lines. He might have said 'when' but he meant 'if'. Evidently she'd been injured, and Bee wasn't sure she'd live, or even be able to get to Earth. And if he'd told them, and she hadn't made it, his grief would have been made public. So he waited until she was already here. I patted his dashboard, to let him know I understood.

Apparently, Jazz understood, too, because he glossed over the subject by adding, "I wanna know what alt-form she chose. She stopped in Vegas before coming to Tranquility, and I just KNOW it was to pick an alt. And I know HER, it'll be flashy.

Ironhide broke in, surprising them all. "I hope that Simmons guy has the brains to stay away from her."

"Why?" Mikaela's voice came over the speakers.

"Because, you don't mess with someone's bond mate. Chase would have felt everything S7 did to Bee, just like she felt it when he lost his legs. And she'll know who's responsible. She's knows what he does, whether she was in stasis lock or not. "

"But Prime says humans aren't to be harmed." definitely Mikaela.

"Motherfucker deserves it." I'm pretty sure that was Lena.

Jazz broke in. "Thing is, Chase ain't above doin' shit she knows'll get her in trouble. She says sometimes doin' the crime is worth takin' the ass beating that follows... Oh, and Mouse? She's gonna know ALLLLL about that car wash you gave Bee."

"Ohmigod!"

* * *

Chase was waiting for us at the lookout. I was surprised she hadn't said anything over the comm link, but Bee said her long range communications had been damaged. He'd alerted everyone to her impending arrival himself, having found out through their bond. I wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but I was sure of one thing, femme Autobots were pretty fucking awesome. She was as clearly female as the mechs were clearly male. Hell, it was easy to tell they were dudes, just watch them walk.

Chase though, she had an hourglass figure that would have made Betty Rubble jealous, AND she swayed in all the right places, AND she

"Has hair!"

"Yes," Bee said, "It's not like human hair of course, think of it as... thousands of fiber optic cables growing from her cranial unit. Thing is though, they're _prehensile_." Bee shivered. "You wouldn't believe what she can do with it."

Yes, yes I would. In fact, my brain chose that unfortunate time to show me a picture of myself suspended off the ground, her 'hair' wrapped around my wrists and ankles, while even more of the long cables whipped and slid all over my body. I hate when my brain does that shit. Just thinking about it made me hot all over, and Bee must have noticed because he was chuckling when he kicked me out of his interior so he could transform.

I made sure to pull my T-shirt down a bit. I couldn't wait to see what her alt-form was. Or, Jesus, her holo.

"Yer drooling." Mikaela grinned.

I'd been so caught up in watching Bee and Chase embrace I hadn't even noticed the arrival of Jazz and Ironhide. Jazz was his typical self, but Ironhide was even more grumpy than usual. Evidently, he'd also brought Maggie and Glen, along with the Lennox family and had had to tolerate four adults AND the sparkling. Everyone tried their best to hide grins, he was fond of and ferociously protective of the Lennox family, and we all knew it.

Lena walked up to stand on my other side. "It seems like they'd dent each other or something, doing that." Then she added, "I bet I know what _they're_ going to be doing tonight. Shame I can't watch."

"Lena!!" From about five different people.

"What?"

By this time, Chase seemed to realize they had an audience, and with some difficulty, the red femme managed to pull away from Bee- only to be hugged instantly by Jazz, and surprisingly enough Ironhide. Ironhide, of course, stepped away and tried to recover his usual aloofness. Jazz earned himself a smack on the head while hugging Chase (who was about as tall as Bee) when he laid his head on her chest and said, "I love huggin' tall women"

After Jazz and Ironhide sprawled in the grass behind her, Chase bent down to have a look at the humans.

"Nice to meet y'all."

_Y'all??_

Glen was struck speechless for about five seconds. Then: "Do you like short black men?"

Chase looked confused.

The rest of us were trying not to laugh.

Glen kept trying, "Baby, let me get into your sub-processors and I will make you PURR! Just say yes baby, and all this (he gestured to himself) will be yours."

All of us really DID start snickering then.

Glen looked around defensively. "What? WHAT?? I'm just sayin', I'm just _sayin'. _Once you go black, you cain't go back. You don't need that yellow guy. (Glen pointed at Bee, just in case there was any confusion.) Lookit him. He looks all Japanese. You need you a red-blooded AMERICAN MAN!"

Chase looked at the rest of the humans, more than slightly confused. "Isn't all human blood red?"

We all started laughing then, making no effort to hide it anymore. Glen spread his hands palm up, in a sort of placating gesture, "What??" he said, "You was all thinkin' it! You was ALL thinkin' it!!"

"Hell I been askin' her what's she doin' with that rust bucket for centuries," rumbled Jazz's deep voice.

Chase turned where she knelt leaning forward slightly to see around Bumblebee. She looked at Jazz. He was stretched out in the grass, feet rocking from side to side in opposite directions, looking supremely comfortable. Without saying anything, she folded one of her arms into a cannon even larger than one of Ironhide's and promptly shot Jazz in the foot.

"OW!! BITCH I NEED THAT!!" He unfolded one of his cannons, rolled slightly, and fired back at Chase. She ducked, and the stray shot caught Bee in one of his door wings. Bee lowered his battle mask, unfolded BOTH of his cannons, and aimed them directly at Jazz.

"Cool it Bumbles, or I'll tell Chase how much time you spend cruisin' the porn sites... Ooops, too late."

"Oh? Have you seen this one?" Evidently, Chase sent Bee a site she'd bookmarked, because his optics dimmed slightly, in a way that I've learned means he's checking out something on the web. It must've been pretty interesting too, because his eyes stayed dimmed. Jazz eyed Bee warily as both of his cannons were still pointed at him, though slightly lowered. Chase watched Jazz watching Bee and merrily shot them both.

They both stared at her for a minute, dumbfounded. Then they lit out after her. Chase took the time to say, "Oh, shit!" before turning to run but they brought her down and dog-piled her.

By now, everyone, including me, was all hooting and catcalling. This was wayyy better than anything WWF had to offer.

Glen yelled, "I LOVE me some women with some big guns!"

Mikaela looked at Lena "Two on one, " she started-

"Is SO not fair!" Lena finished. They lit off into the fray.

I started to follow, thinking Jazz and Bee were going to need some help once all THREE of them got started, but changed my mind when my girlfriend, AND her sister, turned around and grinned at me.

I tried to look innocent. "I was just going to do something over there by Ironhide." Then I beat a hasty retreat. So, yeah, I killed Megatron and probably saved the world, but I wasn't stupid enough to mess with the Bane's sisters when they gave me the Great White shark smiles. No way. I plopped down by Ironhide, who was looking rather amused and watched.

Lena and Mikaela climbed the Autobot dog pile and proceeded to pummel every inch of silver and yellow armor they could find. And there really wasn't much Jazz and Bee could do about it, either, because if they moved the wrong way, they'd crush the girls.

"Cheaters!"

"OW!"

"DAMNIT!!"

"Hahahahahahahhahahah!"

It would have continued on that way, but Prime made his appearance. And he looked very stern. And not amused. All the people that had been cheering tried to wipe the grins off their faces.

When Mikki looked at her sister and whispered "Run!" that seemed to be the signal for them to suddenly join me in finding something to do beside Ironhide. Bee, Chase, and Jazz all stood up, looking throughly ashamed of themselves.

Chase stepped forward, "Optimus, it was my-"

She stopped mid-sentence when Prime's cannon blast hit Jazz square in his OTHER foot.

"OWFUCK!! WHY do I keep gettin' shot in m'feet?!"

Everyone gaped at Prime, except for Jazz, he was too busy bitching. Prime gave a little shrug. Then someone let out a loud wolf whistle, the humans gathered around started cheering, and it was ON.

The three smaller 'bots were doing their best to bring down Prime, but he fended them off well, even AFTER Bee and Chase dug in behind an out-cropping of rock to take random pot-shots at him. He dodged and rolled with unending grace, cackling and giggling the whole time.

That's right, Prime _giggled_. He'd always struck me as so solemn, to see him clearly having so much fun left me speechless. Watching a group of giant, alien robots horse around is pretty amazing, but watching their big, noble, leader _play_, that was just a complete mind-fuck.

Ratchet finally came along and ruined it. Standing behind him, Wheeljack waved happily at Chase, but wasn't quite brave enough to say anything. Ratchet's optics raked over the various dents, dings, and soot smudges on the four Autobots in front of him and trembled in righteous fury.

"What in the PIT were you fracking SLAGGERS, doing?? You,' he pointed at Chase, "are still damaged from your trip." He pointed at Jazz, "And YOU haven't been together all THAT long, and don't get me started on Bee's vocal processors.-

WHO STARTED THIS??" Ratchet bellowed.

The three smaller 'bots stood behind Prime, shooting each other some rather shifty looks before all three pointed at their leader. Jazz pointed with BOTH hands. "HE DID!"

Prime looked behind him, shook his fist at his younger soldiers, and called them traitors before turning to Ratchet and hanging his head. "My bad."


	2. Connectioin aka Smut

A/N: Ya, so the plot bunny isn't done with this story yet. This chapter isn't as cracked as the first, but this chapter has smut. So don't read it if yer a youngin'. P

Disclaimer: I own Chase, Caz owns Lena. EOS.

Ow, My Foot: The Saga Continues

Connection

(Bee)

Chase's alt form was as flashy as Jazz expected. When she transformed into into a candy-apple red Lamborghini Murcielago LP640 Roadster I saw several human mouths drop open, and Sam nudged Mikaela with his elbow and whispered, "Yer drooling."

Chase had chuckled at them, but opened her doors, making it look as though she had wings, perfectly willing to take a couple of humans with her. The Hatchet put an end to that saying that repairs came before joyrides.

When we got back to the base, the four of us were immediately ushered into Ratchet's makeshift med bay- sans humans. Ratchet said he wanted no more tomfoolery until he was certain that Chase's major systems were, indeed, functioning properly. After that, the repairs began. He wasn't none too gentle about them either. Ratchet left orders for Chase, saying she wasn't to leave the base for a couple of days until she was properly rested, and had given herself time to heal.

Chase and I actually managed to adhere to that for... a couple of hours. During which, Chase spent most of her time chatting with Lena. This was disturbing. They seemed to like each other quite a lot- which meant that Jazz, Sam, and I were all likely to do a lot of suffering in the near future.

I was glad Chase was getting along with my human friends. I wanted her to love them as much as I did, and I wanted them to love her, but at the moment, I would have been perfectly happy if they'd all simply disappeared. For so long, we'd been light years apart, and now, here we were in the same room together, and we're still separated. If there was no one around except other Autobots it would be easy to go with Chase to the field behind the base and join with her like my Spark demanded. If any of the others happened to come out, they might watch for a second, might even drop in a random caress (Jazz was good about that) but would amble off to their own business with not even a second thought for us. Well, except for Ratchet, he was likely to holler out something like, "Don't pull at her wires like that, they'll break!!" The CMO was a total mood killer.

It didn't take much imagination for me to know how embarrassed, say, Sam would be if he were to stumble across such a scene. Humans were such prudes. They were so secretive and restrictive about their mating rituals, and about what could be regarded as simple affection and what couldn't. And, it didn't seem that any of them actually agreed about their own ideas. Confusing.

Chase must have caught the general direction my thoughts were going, because when I looked up, she was staring at me. A knowing smile ghosted across her full metal lips.

Lena looked from Chase to me and said, "If you two left for awhile, I'm sure I wouldn't see or know anything about it." Then she wandered off to make sure no one else would know anything either, especially Sam- he was the one most likely to accidentally blow the whistle.

Thirty seconds later we were racing down the highway, headed to the lookout. The sun was setting before me, Chase followed behind me. For about 10 seconds, anyway. I heard her engines rev, and she pulled up so we were driving side by side. Her metallic body kissed off mine, leaving a bright trail of sparks to drop to the road behind us. Shuddering, I nudged her back, my driver side door connecting with her passenger side, denting metal and scraping paint from both of us, before I backed off from her.

Chase accelerated again, this time cutting in front of me. My grill brushed against her back bumper and I sent a jolt of electricity to her through that brief connection. I could hear her purr over the low growl of our engines before she gained even more speed, increasing the gap between us.

_C'mere and catch me._

I did. We drove the rest of the distance to the look out locked together, but this time it was my passenger door against her driver door. Sparks flew, and our paint seemed to disappear. The metal beneath crackled with energy, and seemed to fuse, as though mimicking the connection that we needed. If someone had actually seen us, they would've thought two homicidal psychopaths had stolen cars and were trying to prove which was the most murderous. For us, nothing could be farther from the truth, it might look like murder in the making, but to us, it was foreplay.

We didn't separate to transform, hell, for that matter, we didn't even bother to stop. We just kind of slowed down a bit. I'm not sure if she dragged me to the ground, or if I took her down, but either way, the ground was where we ended up. We hit with an almighty crash, random glass shattered here and there on the both of us, and even more armor dented. We landed on our sides. We wrapped our arms around each other, grinding our bodies together, trying to get as close as physically possible.

I knew she'd been injured recently. I watched Ratchet make the rather painful repairs myself. I would like to say that I was gentle with her, mindful of her injuries, but that would be a lie.

We were savage with each other. Chase wrapped her leg around my waist and rolled us both over, so that she was straddling me, her strong, red thighs on either side of my hips, squeezing hard enough to hurt. She settled herself so that our connection ports were touching, and rocked her hips none too gently, roughly grinding together their coverings. Through no conscious effort that I'm aware of, the protective armor around my connection port shifted out of the way, and the covering itself opened, revealing the rather large (if I do say so, myself) mass of lubricated cables that would make our physical joining almost as complete as our spiritual one. I pressed insistently at her still covered port, needing entrance, but she refused to open up. I looked into her passion clouded optics and saw the mischievous glint there. So that's how she wanted to play it... I could oblige her.

I slipped my hand up her back, trailing against the armor that protected her metallic spine, before I dipped two fingers in and gripped the cable I knew to be her go-spot gently between them. I pinched it lightly, and pulled. Her reaction was instantaneous. She moaned low, her voice full of need. I rubbed my fingers up and down her cable, caressing gently, before suddenly giving it a hard twist. That time she nearly screamed, her claw-like fingers dug into my armor leaving ten long furrows, each an inch deep.

While she was distracted, I rolled us over, grinding her into the soft grass. Her thighs tightened around my hips, dragging me closer. We didn't speak, but the communication was still there:

_Mine, Chase. You're mine to take._

_Then take me... if you can..._

I heard the soft snicker of metal sliding against metal, and looked up just in time to catch the whirring saw that replaced her hand. She struggled underneath me, and I bore down on her wrist, slightly crushing the metal before pinning it above her head. This time, I ground myself into her, the roll of my hips practically screaming dominance. I didn't merely insist on entry, I demanded it. Chase's own need mirrored mine, and it worked against her, but in my favor- she was far too aroused to play games for long. She replaced her saw with her hand, the long fingers bending over her palm to brush the top of my own hand. I released her wrist, and her hand folded with mine at the same time she let me inside of her.

I didn't ease her. I slammed into her with one hard thrust, and it was a deliciously tight fit. I moved roughly inside of her, the cables of my connector twisting and writhing within her body. She bucked beneath me, wanting more, and this time, I was the one that cried out. She pulled me closer with her free hand, caressing my door wing and pulling me down, the metal of our chest plates screeching as they were forced together.

Her 'hair' came to life. It surrounded us, sliding under my armor to snake its way into every crevice, every piece of inner workings I have. She sent tiny impulses of electricity down each strand, touching places that even Ratchet had never fiddled with. And, oh, Primus it was amazing. I couldn't return the favor physically, so I concentrated on our bond, sending her my pleasure, delighting in the way she stiffened under me, and gasped.

We couldn't even bring ourselves to separate just long enough for our Spark chambers to slide open. Metal screamed and clashed as our chests separated, revealing our sparks. The pulse of her Spark sped up, calling to mine. And when they met, it was like two halves of the same soul coming together after eons of separation. All the fears, worries, and horrors we'd had over the past hundred years of separation, flowed between us like liquid, somehow becoming less horrid for having been shared, only to be crushed between our love and need for each other. Some distant, and still slightly rational sub-section of my processors seemed to be watching this from afar, recording every detail, before deeply etching them deep into my database. No matter how long we had together, how long we lived, it wouldn't be long enough. I'd carefully preserved all of my interactions with her, starting from the time I was a sparkling to present day.

And I always would.

I knew she was close to overloading. I could feel it, and I needed it more than I needed my own at the moment. I moved heavily within her, increasing the pace, being rough with her. Red warning lights were flashing in front of my optics, warning of imminent system overload, and as I looked down, her optics flared a blindingly bright blue, her body stiffened, and then Chase's optics dimmed as she off-lined. I closed my own optics, and like a wave cresting, I let the pleasure simply wash me away.

* * *

It took awhile for my systems to reboot. When I came to, Chase had slid halfway out from under me. She'd wrapped her arms around me, and was holding me tightly, but not painfully. It reminded me of how she used to comfort me when I was only a sparkling, and gave me an overall case of the warm fuzzies. At least until she started giggling, anyway.

I looked up at her questioningly.

"Lena sent me a text message." she explained. "It says, 'You can bum a smoke when ya get back to the base.'"

* * *

(Sam)

Ratchet was, of course, furious when he discovered Chase and Bumblebee had left the base.

The rest of us were awed when they returned. They were scratched, scraped, dented, and dinged. Glass was shattered. And BOTH of them were limping.

All of my fellow squishies had left, with the exception of Mikaela and Lena. Mouse (I only call her that in my mind, she'll smack me if I say it out loud) stared at them, mouth open, purely amazed.

Lena flashed them a quick thumbs-up.

I flashed looks between Bee and Chase, concerned for them both. Clearly, they were both in pain, but the looks on their faces were plainly complete satisfaction. I wasn't entirely sure what to do.

Bee seemed to understand, and he bent over peering at me owlishly before carefully patting my back with one finger. "It's ok, Sam, we're fine. It's just that, well, loving Chase is dangerous." She smacked him. "But, wow, it's worth it."

That said, they both hobbled painfully into the med bay Ratchet was currently angrily pointing to. I can't be sure, but I swear when they passed him, Ratchet said something like, "At least this time, she didn't use her saws on him."

A few hours and much bellowing from Ratchet later, I was in need of a place to sleep. Normally, this wasn't an issue. I just found a comfy look piece of Bumblebee's armor and laid down with my pillow. For a being comprised almost entirely of metal, he was surprisingly comfy.

Only, now, he was wrapped around Chase, recharging peacefully on one of the pallets in the med bay. I looked at them for a few minutes, and feeling only slightly dejected, decided to droop my way over to the other side of the base in search of a sleeping bag.

Instead, I was lifted off my feet by a graceful red hand. She set me down carefully on her chest. "Too good to sleep with us, are you?"

Blushing redder than she was, I looked at my feet and said, "No, no, I just, I just didn't want to intrude."

Chase looked at me, seemingly confused. "How could you possibly intrude? You are a part of us, (she gestured at her and Bee) a part of our family."

She was silent for a moment, and added, "Poor bastard."

I for one, didn't feel like a poor bastard at all. My deepest most horrible fear had been banished with her words. I'd been afraid that she wouldn't like me, might even hate me, and I knew that if forced to choose between us, Bee would have to choose his bond mate. A weight that I hadn't even noticed was on my shoulders lifted off.

She prodded me gently with her finger. "You're such a tense human. Are all humans like this?"

"No," I told her, "I was, well, I was worried that you might not like me."

She smiled at me, and picked me up again, pillow and all, but this time she laid me down against her neck and Bee's head, where he rested against her shoulder. Taking my cue from her, I snuggled against them both and my pillow and got comfortable. One of her fingers carefully stroked my back, rubbing away my tension.

"I know what happened, Sam. Mission City, before and after. If nothing else, I would love you for the love and loyalty you have shown my mate."

I smiled against her neck, and snuggled closer. I felt her hair drape over me like a blanket, and I settled in to go to sleep with them, for once feeling a complete and utter moment of pure Zen with the universe.

Then Chase blew it by adding, "The three of us have been invited to Lena's warehouse Friday night for a game strip poker. Sounds like fun, huh?"

The moment of Zen evaporated.


End file.
